nalini kottolli

New Year

2011-01-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

One Decade of 21st Century come to an end,giving way to another decade. Life goes on like the years. One gets aged with it,new responsibilty with new hopes for the future of loved ones comes up, making the life worthy. For the retired from ones job& of family responsibilty, creates a void.There is no commitment to fullfil, nor the worry to earn more, balance the time between work& home.Life becomes a routine with nothing to look forward,except the fear of old age & the resultant ailments.The void created by nucleus family cant be filled.Some how life goes on without any meaning.

Trip to Dallaas.

2010-09-17T03:56:00.001-07:00

Another trip to US is on the envil. This time I am accompanied by Vishu for 2 months visit. Divya has planned to visit California, Las vega, Las angalese. If given a choce I wont go, but no choice, just listen. My plants will get a set back.
Mahia is very exited & wants the days roll over quickly. Shwetha does not like as she will miss me. I have to start shopping to go which is boring.

Rain,Rain dont go away.

2010-07-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

Little kids sing when it rains,as Rain rain go away. I like rain being born & brought in Kodagu, the land of rain. When I was a little girl it used to rain for 4 months nonstop.There was no gas to cook, so households used to store the fire wood for the rainy season, which was to last for atleast 6 months. The fire wood unloaded in April,followed by the fire wood cutter for a week. In the evening all children to help the elders to stack them in a room near bathroom, protected from rain& wind.When the firewood got stocked the ladies took a long satisfying breath, as they had to cook for a large family, no matter rain or shine.
Early rains used to herald the monsoon,during the 2nd week of may,having a set pattern of evening rain till the proper setting of monsoon. The school would reopen, after a long summer vacation. It was a joy to have new books,new class, teachers& new umbrella.
We used to walk to the school,holding umbrella & books, as the schol was only 10 minutes walk. Heavy rain & the wind

wedding Anniversary

2010-06-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Today is the 39th anniversary of my wedding, which we dont celeberate,as we r adept in celeberating death anniversaries only with all the rituals, which the deceased person will not know to appreciate.

16 & 61

2010-04-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

61 years have goneby in my life.Life is becoming big drag, as there is nothing to do in particular, as there is no compulsion. No commitments to fullfil, no obligation to do anything, or to go anywhere. Just cooking to live,and looking after the plants as pastime.
When one is in sweet 16, the whole world is colourful, there is full of hope & josh to live, achieve something, which brings the joy of living. But at 61 is just the opposite. Is there any need to live?

Money- Make it your servent not Master

2010-04-01T04:09:00.000-07:00

One needs money to live-to get The primary needs- Food Shelter & clothing. Then comes up the secondary needs-Education,comforts,status in society, travel,hobbies etc. The evolution of Information technology, Bio Technology, Artificial Intelligence, no doubt has created umpteem no of jobs and the ensuing increase in income. But at what cost? It is paving the way to work 10 to 12 hrs per day, with night shifts, late night calls from US customers, all these results in creating problems at home front. No time for casual talking, eating with family due to exaution at work. To name it with the familiar word-TENSION_TENSION_TENSION.No doubt the job brings hefty salary to buy whatever one sets eye on.It has no true value in the sense it comes easily, unlike at our times, when salary was low, working hrs limited to 8 hrs, without the so called work pressure. WE used to plan & save to acquire a mixer, fan ,TV and other luxuries. There used to be more interaction with people around, both family & neighbors. We used to clarify with our elderly neighbors whenever anybody became sick.Used exchange dishes between & learn new dishes,new hobbies, Now one can Googgle for anything & everything in the world, without the personal touch of a human.Why talk to neighbor& waste their & your time. Go log on & confine to four walls.
Moreover the older people around who are computer illiterates knows nothing, so why talk to them.Instead log on ,listen to Music-western, rock, pop whatever. Have dinner at room with the laptop, why talk unnecessarily, with parents.The good old days of eating together is a thing of past. Parents, if living with are like coins out of circulation. Who has time for their feelings. Become more mechanical & build up more tension, health problem. What health problem? There is Insurance to get the best Doctors, the best gyms to maintain fitness, though most dont visit the gym daily for want of time. Who bothers? have money to spend & buy anything & everything, but not the feeling empathy, love respect.

Ekadashi

2009-12-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

Today, the 28th Dec 2009 is the Vaikunta Ekadashi, which is consiered a holy day by Hindus as the Door to Vaikunta opens. I every Venkataramana temple, a special door for the day is kept open, symbolising Vaikunta Dwara, where in all the devotees passby for the Darshan of the lord. In all temples the devotes que up from early morning 4AM, for the the Darashan. So far I have not fallen in line with tem, as I am an Atheist. For me my plants are god to give happiness.
Yesterday it rained in the evening,an untimely rain which brings loss to the farmers as most of the crops r being harvested. My Garnny used to tell, when people dont do their duty, fulfil their responsibilty earning money in ay way sans morality, loyalty the Nature gets offended. As such there willbe untimely rain, famineunnatural death & so on to punish the erring. But in the process other good people also suffer. That is the law of nature.
Divya called in the mng, Mahia started speaking in her kids voice with American accent, which I could not decifer.

Diasy

2009-11-17T02:16:00.000-08:00

Daisy the dear dog left to eternity on 27th May 2009.It is six & half months now without her. Inspite of it the sorrow, the pain is still there. Her favourite curry, fruits haunts me. She used to be behind me whenever I went to terrace or opened the front or back door. She use to lie down on the walking track in hall & veranda, so I used to jump to avoid traming her. Though she is not there I jump many a time, to be reminded that she is not there.

Daisy

2009-11-17T02:15:00.000-08:00

Living a life

2009-11-09T02:14:00.000-08:00

I used to tell my students "u should lead a life not living a life "to make them to achieve their goals.When one is young such statement has a meaning. But now after retirement it has no meaning for me. Sometimes I feel my life should come to an end. Life is becoming more monotonous. I am losing interst in evrything, even in gardening, getting new plants. Do your duty without expecting the fruits of your work, Says Loed Krishna. What duty? I have done away with it as the Children are settled. No body will miss me. But I am not lucky to go.Has to live till the call comes.

Garden

2009-11-07T20:20:00.001-08:00

Divya rang up & asked me to come there for 2-3 months with her Daddy. Her In-laws who r there r coming back next month. She wants us to go there to spend time with Mahia.
It is easy to tell, rather done. I cant leave my plants behind, just like that as I have invested not only money but also tender love & care and umpteem hours of time labour on them. It is the only selfless joy I get from every bloom, right from an ordinary small marigold to exotic orchids.
All plants are in blooms with a colourful display, swaying in wind, welcoming everyday with their beauty. Plants are the best friends for me to overcome the ups and downs in life. The kiths & kins cannot return the same affection as they have their own opinions & reservations towards other . Or may be because of my personality which they may not like to reciprocate spontaneuosly like my lovely plants. If u lookafter the plants well they return the love with flowers, fruits & lovely foliage, which soothes the soul & brings a sense fulfilment & happyness.
The attachment with plants are inflationery in my life. When I was in Madikeri, in a joint family with a large family of uncles, aunties, cousins and a floating numbers of visiting relatives, it was not possible to nurture my love for plants. A small patch of garden was there but looked after by elders to get the daily quota of flowers for Pooja.
When we shifted to a new house outside the town, there was plenty of place to lay a garden of my own. As was in the final year os School, then S.S.L.C. I could spend morning & evening in garden. During Holidays whole day I spent my time in the garden, laying flower beds, constructing the edges with bricks. I used to visit no of houses to get cuttings, saplings to plant in my garden. I was fascinated with a tall Christmas Tree in a neighbouring house & wanted to get 2 splings from a nursery, for which I needed just Rs.10. So I started asking my dad for it.What!Ten rupees for plants, he used to say & refused it. It was not big money for him, being a leading Doctor by Profession. It was the attitude. Bu I became a "Nakshatrika", after some months he parted with Rs. ten& I walked to the nursery like a Hero who won a battle. Brought the plant & planted by digging myself. Those two have gown big, towering over my moms house in Madikeri.

Visit to US

2009-11-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

Rain Havoc

2009-09-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday-23/9/09 rain started at 10pm with a big bang, poring heavily- as they say it rained cats & dogs.Without any rest it hit Namma Bangalore for 4 to 5 hrs.
Morning news brought the miseries of rain affected area & people there in. Why? Why the downpour is creating problems, every time it hits B'lore? There used to be such down pour during North east monsoon, but not the resultant miseries. It is the result of concentration of population in B'lore. It paves way for haphazard growth of city. The city plg has gone to breaking point, for want of dedication, loyalty, sincerity in execution.
Beautifying the city by covering the road without place for seepage of water, construction of house occupying the full site without leaving any open place for seepage of water makes the rail water to flow on roads, creating nightmare to the motorists & low lying areas.
The city of lakes, Garden city, Pensioners Paradise are all the glory of the past.

Daisy

2009-08-27T03:33:00.000-07:00

It is already three months without dear Daisy. Today I am missing Daisy & the tears is coming, which shows the pain is still lingering. Every step I take at home reminds daisy, as she used to be around wherever I am.

Arrival of Monsoon

2009-07-05T21:05:00.001-07:00

When it started raining in the last week of May, the weather predicted the setting of North east monsoon earlier than usual. But after aweek it fizzled out. June was a dry month without the usual rain. the power cut got resumed as there was no water in hydel projects for power generation. Farmers started panicking expecting draught. Now it is raining in Kodagu, the CAuvery is filling up flooding her birth place. Hope the rain will not weaken after a weak.
Whenever it rains in Kodagu, in Bangalore it will be "MODA KAVIDA" Vathavarana. So we r enjoying the cool, pleasent weather. At the same time people with Broncities Curse the weather as it makes them breathless.
The plants have become lush green & r filling with pretty blossoms. Orchids r yet to bloom. Hope in its season -in August September they will put up a great show.

Arrival of Monsoon

2009-07-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

Daisy the dear Dog

2009-06-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Daisy, the dear dog is no more. She left me on 27th May 2009, after a brief illness of a weak. She was pathetic on 26th with pain. It was painfull to see her suffering. I was helpness as nothing cuold ease her pain. whole night she could not sleep. On 27th I called Arun to see Daisy. He sat with her foe half an hour & left. Then we took her to the vet for the drip. But he said she is getting worse & it better to let her go off. So she went at 10.30, after 13 years & 3 months with us. She was cremated under the coconut tree.
Even after one month, her memory brings tears & hurts. When Julie, her predecessor left, she was was also 13 years old. As Arun, Divya & Daisy were at home, I was able to overcome the grief.Now Divya is in US, Arun in his apartment. The home is empty without Daisy. She used to follow me like my shade & used to lie down blocking the way. I used to jump off her without disturbing her. Unconsciously I jump off now also & realise there is no Daisy.
She was brought by Divya when she visited Anand, Arun's friend. They had been to see the Pupps of Bingo, Anands pet. Then Daisy was a tiny doll like pup. Divya brought her home to see the reaction of Julie, our earlier pam pet. Julie caught hold of the pup played with her. When the pup got tired she slept & Julie kept a hand on her to ensure no body touches the pup & slept.Divya got fascinated & wanted to keep the puppy. I told her she is too young to keep, but she was adament & Julie also did not allow to take her off. So we kept the puppy & named her Daisy, after Bumstead's dog.
Daisy had to be fed with milk in a spoon,every one hour or so, which Divya was in charge of. When Divya went to school I took over. Daisy remained with us. Then our Julie was 13 yeras old & had become slow due to oldage. She became active with Daisy & started playing with her. Daisy used to get newspaper & coconut shells to Julie to tear. Julie used to obey. But after littering she used to feel guilty, expecting reprimand from us. Then being a puppy Daisy used to run with her toungue protruding & saying HA,Ha. Julie also used to imitate her & gets tired & falls off. But Daisy will not allow her to rest. Through they used to play.
Julie used to command Divya to feed Daisy with Milk & Millet porridge. Whenever Daisy peed or pooped Julie used to brnig Divya to clean as she associated Divya as in charge of Daisy.

I used to take Julie for her daily walk, it was impossible to take the two together as Daisy used to play with Julie o n the road. So Arun took charge of Daisy & we used to go opposite way.
Julie had an illusion that Daisy is her own pup, so she used to allow daisy to suck her teats. Julie was so happy in her last days because of Daisy. Julie left us after 6 months of daisy's arrival, due to oldage. Last two days of her life she was omitting 7 in great pain. For 2 days I sat with her & the last night I was awake sitting & stroking her.Next morning she went off, leaving her memories forever.

Nanjamma of Grihabhanga

2009-04-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

Grihabhanga, novel by S.L.Byrappa, my favourite author is being retelecasted, directed by Girish Kasravalli. Nanjamma the lead character in the novel,is a gritt,witty lady who struggles with 3 children & a foolish & lazy husband. IT is directed crisply without any drama to woo the female audience with lots of Ganga -Yamuna to show the suffering of Nanjamma.
Nanjamma,faces life as it comes without fretting, crying. Even when she is thrownout of the house by her mother in law with 2 little kids, without a place to live ,she does not lose courage & finds a way to live on, bravely by mustering little help from a Jangama & Gowda. THe serial should be seen by all young women, who are working as engineers, doctors, teachers with good income but who are very unhappy.
Life is a struggle for a woman, as it is she who is to compromise all her life. First, she has to move from her 1st home to in laws or husband's house & make it her 2nd home.BY the time she gets settled, she may have to move out, as there may be practical difficulties, like split in the family. When the children grow up & gets married,children may move, leaving the mother alone to move on. No doubt she will live on, but it hurts & disturbs to compromise every time, due to emotional break down, which a man does not feel. It is said Change is universal, one has to adapt & live on. But when one has passed the prime age it becomes tough & leads to deppression resulting in failing health & the pessimism.

Flight Of Days

2009-04-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Today is April 4th. Three months,90 days are gone by of the year 2009. The days fly,the weeks jump, months pass into year, a new year comes & goes, increasing the age . It is nothing but gardening, cooking, Viewing TV serials & reading the paper in between.

Dream which never come off???

2009-02-26T10:38:00.001-08:00

I was dreaming of going back to cool lively Madikeri after retirement. But even after 2 years of retirement I am not able to move. Though I have a place of my own there, I cant go as I cant live alone. I have the passion, rather obsession of gardening, for which there is no sufficient place in B'lore. I am 60 now. I dont want anything now, but a little place to plant my plants, nurture them, & to sit back & enjoy flowers.

Dream which never come off

2009-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

Wedding season.

2009-02-22T02:43:00.000-08:00

The year 2008 started with a sad news of Usha's death, but followed by series of weddings.first it was Deepa's wedding on 10th May. But I was not in India to attend the wedding, as I was in U.S.
It was the ist function at Madikeri after Tammanaiah' death, with an intervel of 26 years. However I was happy to attend the wedding reception on 18th May in B'lore at ISKON. It was followed by Reshmas wedding on 5th June. 6th was the 1st Birth day of Mahia.
On july 10th was the wedding of Shama. The year ended with wedding of Dilip on 24th December. New year started without any bad news. THen Shilpas wedding on 20th Feb2009. One more wedding is to go on Apri;13th, that of Shashi. After that for another 2 years there will be no weddings as the children are young.
Every wedding brings back the memories of my cousins & sister Kusumas wedding which were celeberated at home. Then wedding means the arrival of the dear & near ones a weak before wedding. The marriage preparations, like setting the pendal, inviting the guests, shopping, arraning things etc. There was not much expenses, as it is today but an atmosphere of love & affection, laughing, gossiping, querreling with cousins, getting scoldings from elder sisters,aunties, uncles. Oh it is a world gone by forever, which will never ever come back. Now everything has become routine, or to say a distant feeling, not because we dont have affection with siblings or relations, but lack of time, as everybody is busy with their work. Those leisurely , lazy days are gone.
Almost every body in the family are settled in Bangalore, so no need to go & stay in the wedding house. It is going early in the morning & coming back at night, without much involvement. The depth in relation is lost. Each one is confined in his/her world. No one is bothered about others. It is the attitude which has changed, not the lack of time. We can find time if we have mind to do, but no one wants to set their mind on anyhing, except the daily routine of Monday to Sunday. The days roll to years & the time flies. The beautiful relationship is lapsing.

Orchids

2008-10-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

My 1st encounter with orchids was at Madikeri, when I was 10 years old. I had been to my uncle's home on a weakend. It was May. We, my cousin & I used to

travel to Dallas.

2008-02-07T03:05:00.000-08:00

I am going to dallas on 19th Feb 2008 to take care of Mahia as Divya will be busy with Pozo World. It is very pain ful to leave my plants. The garden is looking very beautiful with flowers. All will get a setback again. But I have to go as I cant offend Divya.

snail pace of administration

2008-01-11T04:33:00.001-08:00

After 10 & half months of retirement, finally my papers hv reached the Treasury .I may get the cheque on 17th.Then I have to wait for encashment of leave, then only I can plan to shift to Madikeri. Today I am feeling so empty, as if all my feelings r drained. I cant come over the feeling, I donyt know why? May be the feeling of retirement is stting now. I dont know what the future holds. I have no plan or vision of future, just an empty feeling.

year 2008

2008-01-02T03:19:00.000-08:00

New year has opened with a sad news of my niece Usha's expiry,after an attack of jaundice. She has left behind her husband, whom she married without the approval of her parents in filmy style. Later she made up with parents. She has 2 lovely daughters Sonu,Monu, whom she has orphaned now at an young age of 36. It hurts so much whenever an youngsters passes away, irrespective of relation.

The world is getting harsh, everyday we read news of accidental death of young boys & girls, who leave behind their parents to suffer till their death.
Usha was born in Dec 1970 to my cousin Radha. She was a cute child with good features. She discontinued her studies after PU & married at 19.

building house.

2007-09-21T03:25:00.000-07:00

today I had been to Shobhas new house Omkakar at HSR lay out. It is built on 40x30 site.She has spent about 20 lakhs on it. The outcome is not worth as the builder has not done the work properly.Her grit & determination should be appreciated, as she is alone.
I personally feel it is not worth al her efforts,she is renting it to pay back the loan. Even after the loan is cleared she maynoyt go there as she has another house at Poornaprajna layout. She could hv sold that site & deposited money for her oldage. Now the tension & exhausion is not worth. She could hv lived comfortably with one house luxuriously for the rest of her life. It is the insecurity feeling of middle class people which paves for investing money in house.
I want to build a proper planned house with place left around the house, with rain water harvesting, solar power, good ventilation. But I dont hv funds to afford it right now. When I save fund the need to will vanish.
When I was young with 2 children & their future it was not possible, so had to compromise with an old house, due to its convenient location. Now when all responsibilty is over my fund is stuck at Madikeri.I have to sell either that or this house to build build new house. I am not enerprising like Shobha to do it. I am stuck for life as I cant go & live at Madikeri alone.

Mahia-Dear Grandchild

2007-09-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mahia-new addition to my daughters family, is a tiny baby girl, born on 6th june 2007at 5.45pm at U.S.Holding her reminded my daughter Divyas birth way back on 26th July1976. The time flies,after 29 years,I was holding my grand daughter.It was a feeling,which cant be expressed in words.
I had good time looking after Mahia for 2 and half months, after which I had to return to my home. IT was painful to come, away, but had to as I cant stay at U.S.. One has to move on, leaving the dear ones, dear places where one grows up to grow in life. The time heals the feelings keeping the sweet memories in mind for ever and creating hope to meet again the dear ones to enjoy the reunion,again the departure. Kalachakra goes on rolling, making way for new day.

Going to Dallas

2007-04-23T02:56:00.000-07:00

Tommorro night at 1.55i.e Wed mng, I am leaving to Us by Lufthansa, for 4 months stay, will be back on 22Aug. Yesterday I returned from Madikeri. I had been to our home there, which is to let out as we cant shift now. One more yesr I hv to wait to live in my dear Madikeri.

Brought up in a joint family

2007-04-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

I was brought up in a joint family, wherein 2 familieswere living together,with other 2 brothers children staying, to pursue education. All inwe were 15 chidren, the eldest 20 years, youngest few months old. I used to be very quite going, not talking much, I had interest in crafts like needlework, knitting. Besides I used to do little bit of gardening with my elder cousin, whom the whole lot of us called Akka. Her elser sister, Rukku was very serious one, we were afraid of her & used to avoid as far as possible. But she, being the eldest daughter had special place & affection was showered on her not only her parents but also my father & uncle. Younger sister of Akka-Radha,the 4th chid of my Doddappa was very talkative. My dad, whom we called Tammanayya,called her chellu-malli.Her younger brother was 6 months older to me.

We r 6 children,the 1st 3 daughters,next 2sons, the last one a daughter. My elder sister & Radha used to be always together. My younger sister Shobha & I used to play together.She was very naughty & used to harras me a lot. Many a time I used to keep her away by locking the room. She did not like knittinh or craft, so she used to go out when I was with my craft. After the school I used to confine myself with my craft & never bothered who is around or what the others doing. My sister used to come back to me after a fight with one of the cousins who did not oblige her. Then she used to keep talking, for which I never responded. After a while she used to go out as she was not succeeded in making me to come out.

I got changed after going to Hostel for graduation. I started talking with hostelmates, which my quite nature. After my Post-gaduation I took to teching in a college. My Professor was on the panel to interview. I was the lat person he expected for the post, as I was very shy in the class. I never used to participate in the seminars. When Prof. questioned me I used to blush like tomato & never answered. So he thought I would end up a housewife.When he saw me his mouth was wide open, like lord Krishnas mouth to show Brahmanda to his mother. However I got selected because of my marks. Slowly I developped the skill to teach& got recognised as a good teacher. After retirement I have come back to my recluse. As was in my child hood I dont talk much. Instead of craft it is gardening now. The whole day I spend my time with plants.

Missing my garden when I am away.

2007-04-23T02:53:00.000-07:00

I am going to Dallaas on 25th, early mng by Lufthansa will be back on 21st Aug07. I have to entrust my husband to look after my garden, which is very dear to me.I am worried how far he can manage as I hv more than 2000 pots on the terrace to be watered daily. He cant do the other chores, like weeding manuring, spraying, hoeing. This will give a set back to my dearest plants, which I hv collected over a period of 30 years. As I am going to lookafter my daughter, who is expecting a baby.

Some times I think that I should not have collected so many plants. But when I come accross a new plant either at nursery or at friends place I cant ressist. Over the years this has increased my collection. Gardening has become an obsession rather than a hobby. If a plant gets damaged it makes me sleepless. If a new bloom appear it brings so much of joy which I cant express. I worek for 5 to 6 hrs with my plant, which does not tire me.Most of the plants r in buds, which will bloom in my absence. So I will miss them all.